Fear and panic in the air(c)
"So, did you really stayed on that shore?",- asks Q., the middle-aged man with long hazel hair. He is not the permanent member of our Team A, he just visits four of us from time to time. He prefers to talk with little D. He still doesn't know all the rules, but we forgive him these minor mistakes, as he is a really nice person.

"May I ask you not to mention this episode again, please?",- says P. She was the second one who joined our conversations in the white room. She appeared at the age of 14, a little bit broken because of the car accident. She's still a teenager, angry, shy, with low self-esteem. P.'s got tattoo wings all over her back, which she hides under the endless layers of clothes. Her favorite colors are green, purple and black. I like her and at the same time, I know how many troubles did she brought us into.

"I did. I'm sure"
To tell the truth, it's a small lie.

S., who is sitting in the cozy old armchair next to the bookcase, grins on it and nods me. The first time we met was a year ago and, surprisingly, he asked me to join us. He is strong and really, really smart, our good old (not really old) S.

Q. doesn't realize, how many times I've asked myself this question.

P and S know that from time to time I feel myself in the cold November waters of the Channel. The silence is all around me and I'm the temporary part of it. My arms are slightly behind the back, relaxed and useless, the knees hurt a little as I've been running for ages. The clothes are heavy and utterly exhausted; blue woolen coat wishes to rest on the sandy bottom, so it pulls me down, deeper and deeper, so slowly and so persistently.

I know, I didn't jump. I even didn't try to. Instead of it, I sat down on the rough wooden boards, I listened to the particular songs, looped inside of my head, as well as on the player.

Although, there are days when I doubt it. I doubt that several years of my life even exist.

Astonishing personal discovery is that despite the fact I'm afraid of such mood statement and I can't say I enjoy it, these days are not "bad days". They just happen on the afternoons when my fingers are frozen and the small marks look too noticeable.

@темы: Часы карманные, Анализирую, White Room, ENG